Posts Tagged ‘integrity’
I cannot acquire integrity
Friday, May 4th, 2012Day 11 Minus Fear, love as metaphysical gravity
Sunday, April 29th, 2012
I do believe Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening” landed in my lap perfectly timed.
Today’s read, which I did before arising, hit my heart with the force of beauty and truth that left me gasping. I had to re~read the opening lines multiple times, mostly because my brain/heart/mind froze with a simultaneously deep recognition and an implosion of beauty.
In the end, it is not enough to think that we know. We must live it. For only by living it can Love show it self as the greatest principle.
The way that heat allows the ice to thaw and irrigate the earth, so our capacity to embody what we know ~ our quite need to bring what lives within into accord with how we meet our days ~ this ancient act of integrity allows Love to show itself as the deepest sort of gravity.
This is how I have held integrity. I have not had the poets words to be able to describe this with such precision and beauty.
Bucky said that Love is metaphysical gravity.
Like many people I know, I have been searching for a purpose as to why I am here. Something clean and clear I can articulate. A deep yesness. The consistent thread has been integrity.
I know as well that this time is asking me to raise from within me something that has been dormant, something my fear has kept hidden. Indeed, the fear has been a form of distraction, not allowing me to see what lies underneath. The most authentic and truthful expression of who I am. What I am most called to do.
In reading Mark Nepo and David Whyte, two contemporary poets, I am now feeling into what that is, always a constant path of refinement.
In simple terms, to restore integrity to humanity.
At all levels, and in all domains.
Integrity of our heartfelt personal expression, integrity of our relationships, integrity of our operating systems~governance, financial, economic, of design, of our expression in the world, of our considering the whole in design….
And God knows we need this. We need me and others to step up and hold self, people, governments, business, to integrity.
It is no small task.
I am not an inventor, like Bucky, or an original thinker. I am, as Bucky would often say, and average person.
But I know at a cellular level, and with the ability to use senses we have not yet named, how to recognise integrity, or lack of. I know how to guide people to their most integrous self expression. I know when a business falls from integrity, or a person, usually, one little atrocity at a time.
And I know well the yearning of people to craft their life and work as an expression of that deep feeling within into how they express their days. To follow their bliss, as Joseph Campbell would often say.
For now, I shall rest in this…
Photo Credit: Hartwig HKD via Compfight
Know Thy Self. Be true to self. Live Integrity
Monday, March 19th, 2012
Know thy Self..inscribed on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi and attributed to various well known Greek sages…..
But why so important to know thy Self?
How true are we to our selves? Seriously?
And what is the true nature of the “I”?
I used to think, before I became a mum, that babies came into the world as a blank canvas, and then we ‘imprinted’ on them their character. How wrong was I. Each child comes into the world so firmly stamped with their own BEINGNESS. Just as each cat or dog or bird has its own character. Our job as parents and teachers is not to alter the uniqueness, but to allow its fullest brilliance to shine. To hold a space for the fullest flourishing of the already present pattern integrity.
But there is the rub. Over the course of our life from infant to young adulthood, our integrity gets tampered with in so many ways.
Most of us have forgotten who we really are. The seed that was born in us is half formed, or buried, or squashed.
And then we get confused…am I this, or that?
Who am I? Why am I here? And what is my purpose?
Sometimes we don’t pause to ask these questions until we are well into the journey of our life…often this pause is instigated by a crisis…someone dies, we lose our job, get a divorce…and then we find a moment to ask how we got here…. why don’t my children know who I am…what is my purpose? And what the %$#&%$!! point?
We then spend then next period of our lives removing the rubbish, the learned behaviours, the acts, the masks, going on an inner archeological dig. “Who am I” is the driving force. We are searching for our unique pattern integrity.
The deepest nature of our soul is what we are after. This is the level of truth to which I speak. It will also be the aspect of self that will be challenged the most by our needs and desires of our more surface, egoic selves.
And this is where Integrity is found. It is our wholeness…us as Universe. Complete.
Authenticity is not some new age word easily used in self help classrooms.….it is big hard work…it takes the most rigorous self awareness plus mountains of courage…the courage to say yes to our soul, and no to our temptation.
And we will be tempted…again and again…and we will weaken..again and again. This is the human journey.
This is why we so adore and admire people who say yes to their soul and no to their lesser egoic desires and needs…the Nelson Mandella’s, Gandhi’s, Buckminster Fuller’s. Positive Deviants all. Because they remind us of what we are longing for….and what we care capable of. To live in our fullest expression of integrity.
The fullest, most honest expression of who you are. Against the odds…
Some questions to consider as you remember your always present but deeply buried integrity…please share in the comments..
Is knowing your Self important to you?
I know my life is about integrity…I love and curse my teacher Bucky in equal measure. His stand for integrity was total. I long at times to just stop…and break my own vows. And sometimes I do.
What are your inner truths? What do you believe in..or stand for…that you will and do pay a high price for?
And finally, how committed are you to knowing your true self…to doing the inner work, the self inquiry, the listening, the silence…the writing…to really know thy self?
At What Price Integrity in the Workplace
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010
I am reasonably smart women, very well read, able to converse with pretty much anyone on many issues, able to see complexity as well as most of the most able, and yet I feel I suffer in the world I work in, because I haven’t done a few things.
I haven’t:
Built a multi million dollar company.
Made millions.
Held a high power job at the senior level.
Written a best selling book. (Yet)
Worked with people well known for their outrageous success at making money and being famous.
Married the right guy??
Slept with the right guy…the one with the money, fame, connections.
I don’t;
Play golf.
Have time for the serious wanking that goes on over long business lunches or dinners.
Enjoy the whole ego stroking games that are endemic in the corporate world.
I am not into;
The seduction and manipulation that seems to be the requisite entry into the click of power.
Sleeping my way anywhere.
Compromising my own integrity in the workplace in any form just to get a leg up. (figuratively and literally)
I am certainly not a member of the Boys Club, which is another name for the club where all the wanking and ego posturing goes on, mostly made up of men.
Instead I have;
Earned my own income for 26 years as a self employed person doing work I love, through my own creativity, determination, and persistence.
Raised a healthy, beautiful, emotionally strong child as a single parent since she was two.
Maintained a healthy, rich, vital relationship with my daughter through all of these years and been present for her major moments.
Stayed fit and healthy.
Built and maintained relationships with incredible people around the world who use the same kind of rule book as I do. (Unwilling to compromise their own integrity.)
Continued daily to put myself up for the highest degree of coaching, scrutiny, self reflection, feedback, learning, as I can find.
Learned that on my own I am a fraction of what I am when I collaborate with like minded others.
Lost money, been broke, been terrified of where the next dollar will come.
Travelled the world.
Made some serious mistakes, and some not so serious ones.
Spent too much on credit cards. (No longer.)
Yet I have realised that I am constantly apologising to myself for my own failures.(@#$!%%!!) I have still measured myself against the success of the old broken down model highlighted above…that I need to demonstrate my value by what I have done and the models I have built in the world. How many people follow my blog, read my articles, hire me, pay me…how much money I have in the bank who are my clients, what are my material assets… etc etc….
This is a seriously tiresome and entirely pointless waste of energy. This comparing and measuring stuff. As the artist Hugh MacLeod said, “Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside.
Stop this useless waste of energy my head screams. Just stop. Cut it out. Stop my own BS/victim story. Enough already!
As Bucky said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
I have been focusing too much on what doesn’t work, and how I don’t like that it doesn’t work.
Focus only on doing more and more with what matters most that I can change and influence.
Acting always and only from the highest level of integrity for the health of all of humanity and life.
Or as the great Seth Godin says in his wonderful book, “Linchpin”, practice my art, be indispensable and ship.
I asked my coach today what she thought was my “superpower” (a question Seth asks, referring to the super hero’s of the comic books).
Without a moments hesitation, she said, “Christine, you can see bullshit better than anyone I know.”
Who is up for having a bullshit detector in their lives, or in the businesses? Who is up for that highest level of accountability to their own truth? (First I need to stop the BS around my comparison.) Who is up for Integrity in the workplace?
What organisations, politicians, NGO’s are up for this level of Integrity in the workplace? (Not many, sadly.)
And what value is this integrity in the workplace to you? To your company? Do you Dare?
I do believe in my heart that so many of us are over all the bullshit. That it is sickening, exhausting to maintain. Both the constant BS from others, and the endless BS we tell ourselves about ourselves. Yet sadly we have also reached a point where our bullshit detectors are dimmed by the constant barrage. We step over the lies and seductions from our politicians, and corporate leaders, knowing what they do, but pretending not to know how to stop it when BS seems to be all that happens. We have become immune, and bullshit is the golden staph of our age.
And the even more silent pandemic is the BS that we do not even know about. What goes on behind the scenes in the shadow corridors of money and power. Just how much we are under a spell of trickery and illusion.
Hmm…its time to roll up my sleeves and get out the shovel. There is so much work to be done on shining the light on the bullshit, and having done so, building in its place, integrity. People of integrity, systems of integrity, organisations of integrity, communities of integrity. Integrity in the workplace.
Who is up for this? More than the money, more than the fame, give me work that is a shining light of integrity. On this I wish to be measured.
Life Doesn’t Turn Out As We Expect It
Friday, July 3rd, 2009I confess, turning 40 was difficult for me. (It was also quite a while ago.) It was difficult because I expected my life to be different than it was by the time I was 40.
What did I expect? I expected I would be more successful, according to the ways we define success in our culture. Basically, that I would have more “stuff”. At the least a house, actually several, in a few exotic locations, probably a lot more money, even a relationship. I expected that from the outside view I would fit all the categories of a successful self-made woman. I would be famous and wealthy.
Not only could I NOT believe I was 40, I just hadn’t made it to my picture of 40. While I wasn’t devastated, and still managed to function quite well post 40, only now, some 8 (nearly 9) years later, am I integrating the whole experience of life not turning out the way I expected it would.
It is a most curious thing, this business of life. Some people with seemingly little intelligence or effort seem to do very well, others with great talent either hit the jackpot and fly, or spend their life in struggle.
I always thought ~making it~ was about intelligence. Hence I have always derided myself for not being all that intelligent. After all, if I was I would have ~made it~!
I have since realised that it is a little more complicated than that. And in its own way, infinitely perfect.
We have people who are born to wealth and privilege. Not me.
We have people who ride on the back of wealth by marrying it, or stealing it, or seducing it. (These can be the same things, and are applicable to both men and women). This was never my path. There were offers, especially in the early days, from very wealthy men who wanted to set me up in some lovely place, but the independent part of me which has a strong internal sense of not wanting to be owned, just couldn’t choose this path.
We have people whose greatest talent is the talent for business as we know it. These people are naturals. They have the Midas touch. While I am not a slouch at business, it is not my natural arena. As we have also discovered in the last two years, some of these people with the Midas touch have been financial engineer’s, and their wealth has come not from the real economy but from the global casino…the smoke and mirrors economy.
Then we have the ones that have lady luck as their companion. Through no explicit talent or application, they seem to land on their feet every time. I am not bereft of this lucky streak, after all I am an Australian, and have a lifestyle that is fabulously wealthy in every way, in comparison to being born in parts of Africa, Bangladesh etc. I am certainly not unlucky.
If I look back at my life, would I change anything? Really?
From a three year marriage I have the most incredible gift of my life, my daughter. No matter how bad the marriage was, (And it really wasn’t bad at all, and isn’t now as an ongoing relationship), I have only gratitude for the gift of being a mother, something I never expected to be, and for being a very lucky steward to another human being. Actually, if I really dwell on this alone, I realise without too much effort, that my life is richer in so many ways, because of my being a mother. I certainly have more compassion, more patience and a greater ability to love than I would ever have had by staying childless. These qualities are of such immeasurable wealth. The simple joy I get on a daily basis from being a partner in a child’s life – no money can buy that.
From living my life in free form, not conforming to the traditional, I have incredible flexibility, developed great courage (most of the time), the ability to be immensely creative, and to emerge through emergency. It’s not always the easiest path, as there are times when I am not sure where the next dollar will come from, but come it does. There have been times, particularly as a single parent, when I have suffered momentary paralysis from the fear of lack. However, the reality is that to be in paralysis for more than a moment was simply a luxury I couldn’t afford at all, so it was simply -take a deep breath, get up and create something. Immediately. Get into motion. I have learned to really respect this quality in myself, as many people don’t possess this ability.
Security – what is that? How real is security as we traditionally define it? Having lots of money in the bank, having assets, a pot of gold under the bed? Does this really make us secure? It could all be gone in an instant. My form of security is trusting that I have the ability to create. More than anything though, for me security has been about giving up the fear of lack and scarcity. (This fear is endemic in our society – it runs us, fuels us and feeds us. Most of us don’t have a clue just how much we live with a mindset of scarcity. We fight wars over it, we treat our neighbours badly because of it, our need for excess is a symptom of it. A look at how subtly pervasive scarcity is in our world is a worthy article for a newsletter, deserving a more comprehensive look.)
Under no circumstance am I implying that my way of living is the right way. Could I have had a little more strategy around spending money in my younger years? Sure. Are there other ways. Absolutely. Have I been exceedingly smart with my money? Not always. Do I regret the choices I made? No.
For what reason though do I need a large asset pool? So I don’t have to work? Why would I not work? I simply don’t understand that. I love my work. I love what I do. I love it so much that everything I do is my work. The books I read, the movies I see, the travel I do. It all contributes to my work. Oh joy, for the most part, I get to do things I love. Sure there is wood to be chopped and water to carry, metaphorically speaking, however, these tasks keep me humble. I don’t see myself ever retiring. It would drive me crazy. Besides, there is far too much to do in the world!
The only reason I can see I would have a large asset pool is so I can have more stuff. And stuff requires that it be cared for. Stuff also begs the question..how much is enough? (Another great topic for a future newsletter). Already even those on the lowest level of middle class live in more luxury than any King or Queen of 150 years ago, and in better health.
Some people would say that money buys freedom-the freedom to do as you please. I have seen many people with great wealth and such huge responsibilities to take care of their wealth and their stuff that their freedom is limited. I have also seen people of great wealth who would trade it all for health. I have incredible health, through a great genetic pool and very consistent daily action towards its continuance.
I really do see that my life is very free. If I want something enough, no matter what the price tag, I know I have the resources inside of me to create it. However, I will not do anything to have it. And this is where the greatest distinction lies. That there are things I simply wouldn’t do. There are principles involved here, and my own self disciplines. These principles I am revisiting today, to be sure that they are consistent, appropriate and support me in the highest way possible. Principles such as living in my own integrity. (Big word, “integrity”; very overused in our society I believe, so I use it with care.) Integrity to me means wholeness. Natural design. Living in integrity is doing what I am born to do, in the most complete way possible. Honouring my truth from moment to moment. Acting with consistency on it. This sounds very easy, and is actually not. If it were easy, everyone would do it.
So where does this leave me at 48, looking at my life fast approaching 50? No, my life did not turn out as I expected. My hunch is that the next 50 plus years will also not turn out as I expect. Maybe the lesson is to give up the expectation entirely. Hmm. What am I expecting? Probably more of the same old expectations – wealth and fame. And if this NEVER happens, how will I be with myself in that? Will I continue to consider myself a failure? Or will I realise that I have been fabulously successful. Off the charts successful. I have raised a child almost single-handedly, and she has wanted for little, we have travelled the world, made the very best of friends with some amazing people who are doing wonderful work. I have been true to myself as much as I have been able, and always challenged myself to be increasingly more true to myself. I have learnt that I am perfectly capable to make my way in the world as an independent. I work with the most inspirational clients. I have beauty in my life in abundance. Instead of stuff I have collected experience and knowledge sprinkled with some adventure.
My work now, and probably my biggest of all challenges, is to stay completely centred in my connection to my guidance, daily, hourly, moment to moment, and to honour this, to the letter, small and big. To trust and surrender..and serve.. As my great teacher Buckminster Fuller says:
“So, I simply say, what you can do personally is commit yourself to what is truth. That’s all.”
If I can do this, and do this with my life now dedicated to service to as many people as possible, to support their healthy emergence, then I will have been a success and one of the wealthiest women in the world. To that I will drink deeply.
And hey….bring on the unexpected! …..anything can happen.
I would love to hear from you….has your life turned out as you expected…or has the unexpected brought you gifts beyond your imagination…?
(This is a reprint of an article I published 2 years ago on my newsletter, Dare to Care.)
