Archive for September, 2010

First deadly sin – Pride

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

An exploration of Pride

(This is the first in a series of articles.)

The first of the seven passions, or seven deadly sins as described by Caroline Myss in her work, “Defy Gravity” is the passion of pride.

Lets be clear about how I am defining pride. I am speaking of the experience of having an excessively high opinion of yourself. I am also including in this definition the feeling/action of superiority or being more superior than another; boasting about accomplishments (vainglory); seeking admiration for your appearance and achievements (vanity); arrogance, which is when you feel so much more superior than others that you show them disdain; hubris… an excessive pride.

Not everyone in the course of history has seen pride as a sin/bad. Aristotle saw pride as a virtue. To be proud of oneself. The distinction for this article is that when I live in pride as a passion, I am devoid or absent of humility. It is about me, myself and I, with no thought to you, or others. One can be proud of one’s accomplishments and very humble. But one cannot be  proud to the level they are superior to, and still have humility for. When we act from pride we pleasure in shaming others, reducing others, making them less than we are. Like vampires, we feed our need to feel better about ourselves at the cost of having another feel bad.

For the last week I have sat in an acute awareness of how pride shows up in my life. Oh…my…gawd….!!! Ouch.

I am an expert at superiority. Have the masters degree to prove it. I am of superior intelligence for sure, which is why I can be so deeply humiliated when I feel stupid, or am exposed for being stupid.

(If you want to find out where pride shows up in your life, follow the humiliation trail.)

I remember when my marriage was falling apart and my husband called me stupid, and really meant it. His words were like a hot knife to my self worth. I recall this as being such a humiliation that I began to see that I simply could not live a life with someone who thought of me so. Now, some 20 years later, and with a bit more wisdom under my belt, I see that he was not referring to all of me, just an aspect of me. At the time I was too too sensitive to get that. Happily I have also learned to laugh at myself and my blonde bimbo moments. And I have those on a daily basis. These days, for the most part, without the shame. However, in doing this exercise of really sitting in pride I am watching myself at far more subtle levels than usual, and no doubt about it, I still have a sensitivity around my ‘intelligence”.

In my endless personal development work I definitely have had moments where I feel superior to lesser ‘evolved’ souls. I have (and still do) suffered form altitudinal elitism. YUK! It is quite a common syndrome, sadly. What is needed here is not pride and hubris, but compassion.
How altitudinal elitism shows up is in thoughts or comments such as…
“I have done all the work, so I am better than..”
“I am more evolved than…so they are less than me..”
Or worst…
“You just don’t understand…(implying that they do not have the capacity/ability/depth etc)

Taking superiority a small step further and we have arrogance. Hmm..I am quite expert in this one too. How many people have I brushed off with disdain? Oh, I hate to think. Yet I loath it when people do this to me….treat me like a speck of fluff of their pristine suit. Makes a very good case for karma. Or the simple adage…treat others as you wish to be treated.

Here is another way pride shows up…
“Doing x is beneath me.” In the wonderful movie Gandhi, there is a scene in the early phase of Gandhi’s transfiguration from a lawyer in Africa to a Saint in India, where he asks his wife to rake and clean the latrine. She refuses. They argue. This is pride speaking.

I am also quite clever at vainglory, boasting about my accomplishments. I am aware that behind my doing this I am seeking admiration, acknowledgment. Sometimes I do share my accomplishments for other reasons devoid of pride…to teach, to inspire…but these are all adding to the experience of the other, versus wanting ‘my’ experience to be the focus.

Now that my pride radar is up I am catching myself out more and more. Subtle little thoughts like my superior status because I am fit, I exercise…I know this or that…not a day goes by now where I do not get to see my pride play its hand. However, I am pleased to say that by becoming aware I am making different choices. Far from perfect….far far…and moving up…

If we go deep below the surface, and follow the shame and humiliation trail…the places you are most ashamed to reveal to anyone, including self, you will root out how pride plays a major hand in your life.

Tell me about money? Your bank account? How much debt? Credit? Income?…
Tell me about sex…oh…this is a can of worms, but you get my point?
Or your body image? How does aspects of your body cause you shame?
Where are you most embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated?
What do you find impossible to talk about because it would shame you?

I have maintained that when we take what shames us, and bring it from the dark places we seek to keep it, into the light, you will know you are healed of this shame when you are able to speak to anyone about it with zero charge. I love zero charge…it means that I am lighter, not just with ‘light’ but lighter in metaphysical weight. Less baggage. Love less baggage. Free…

Or as written in The Course in Miracles, “In my vulnerability, I become invulnerable.”

Taking pride out from ourselves, we have ethnic pride, and national pride. There is nothing wrong with healthy national pride, or pride in your sporing team. It is when the shadow of superiority and righteousness enters the fray that we have trouble…and this trouble may be deadly. Pride brings down countries. Observe the cost to the United States for its pride and hubris. The tragedy is that it was born, by the European settlers, out of humility and an escape from pride. But its story is an old one, told many times through out history, of the fall of greatness through pride, both at the individual and collective level.

I would love to hear your stories of pride. Or your thoughts…comments…how it plays out in your life…..what aspects have I missed…..

I have learned much from sitting in this self inquiry…hopefully you will too..

Share

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Guinea Pig C-personal category, Leadership Development, Personal Development | 1 Comment »

Exploring the Seven Graces and the Seven Passions

Friday, September 24th, 2010

Long time readers will know I am a big fan of the work of Caroline Myss. I went to my first workshop with Caroline in Indianapolis, Indiana, in 1997.

In her latest book, Defy Gravity, she talks of the seven graces and the seven passions (more commonly known as the seven deadly sins), aligned with the seven chakras.

I have been listening to Caroline speak on Defy Gravity via her web site, where she has many hours of free video. I turn this into audio and listen to it while I run. I love her teaching and lectures even more than her written work. Over the weekend I decided to start my own deep dive into the seven graces and the seven passions, one grace and one passion at a time, and to write about each experience as it unfolds.

I will stay in each passion and grace for as long as required. I would love to share this journey with others, so please, if you want to join me, let me know. If you are really keen we can also schedule a time for a skype conference call to go deeper. I am open to every or all possibilities. Suggestions, interest, discussion, options welcome.

I suspect that by going deep into each one, not only we we become familiar with how these passions and graces play out in our lives, but we will also clearly identify how we want to move away from, or closer to…how do we live in reverence? How can we bring more reverence into our lives? How does pride show up for us? Arrogance, hubris, superiority?

I am also writing a similar series for the Positive Deviant web site, looking at the graces and passions through the lens of business. I posted the first article on pride here.

Here is a simple chart of the passions and graces aligned with the chakra’s.

Want to play? Let me know?

Share

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Guinea Pig C-personal category, Personal Development | 1 Comment »

Trusting our guidance

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

Here is the point of my struggle. For many years now I have followed my inner guidance. Not in all things. (I would be a Saint if this were the case, and I am far from that.) But in the majors. (I now measure success as my ability to follow my guidance 100%, and in no other way.)

In my mid twenties, when I was young and exceedingly gullible (I am still gullible, but less so) I said no to several offers from wealthy men to put me in their castle and take care of me. Some of the offers were very attractive. I said no to all, easily..not my path…

In my search for my vocation I kissed a lot of frog jobs. Willing to try my hand at anything, I went from chiropractic, to investing in a dive resort in Fiji, to manufacturing cakes, to selling golf buggies. Willing to pour my whole self into whatever seemed to be in front of me.

Then came coaching, and I found my love. For 14 years I have been doing this work now, and while each year I have changed, grown, learned; and my service offering has evolved with me, the core of my work has been about the healing of the messy human dynamic, within individuals and with teams, bringing each person closer to their own truth, their soul. It is profoundly beautiful work, and I have felt blessed.

In the early days I met the wonderful and gifted Ernest Oriente. He was my coach. Ernest created a system/model that was elegant and breathtaking, and if I had of followed it, I would have made a lot of money. But it didn’t feel right to do so. I didn’t want to live only in a niche or three. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to, it was more that it was not my path. So I courageously, or stupidly, walked my own path. I have done similar things time and time again. Said no to the offer that was relatively easy money. Because it didn’t sit with me well. It wasn’t my path. Was this my intuition speaking, or my insanity? I guess really knowing the answer to that question is where wisdom lies.

Yet here I find myself, 14 years later, and I ask myself why, when we do commit to following our truth, our inner guidance, our path, that it so often is so so so so HARD? Surely the other paths would have been easier? Maybe not…maybe the hard part would have been addressing a deep seated unhappiness, or the aspect of self that prostitutes our soul for money, or glamour, or fame….???

My work has dried up, all my old models of creating work do not seem to be working, and I am completely mystified as to what is going on. I feel stupid, confused, sometimes angry…My spiritual director, Caroline Myss, says not to ask why? That is not the question. The question, or prayer, is ‘help me endure this, give me the strength to endure. Help me to trust that all is well, and there is a bigger reason for this beyond what I might imagine.’

When I was motivated to write this warts and all blog, the impulse was to talk about how to live in integrity against the tide. How to say yes to my guidance and no to temptation/ego. The challenge is how to discern the difference between the two. If I look back at the choices I have made, were they ego or soul based? Were they my guidance or my stubbornness? I feel strongly that they were my guidance. Here is the rub…that to follow our guidance does not guarantee the pot of gold. Often the opposite. Really following guidance may be hard work. Very hard work. And it may be painful, and dark. I don’t think we can avoid that, no matter what. I think we all have to do the work, even more so the ones of us who have chosen a path of greater service.

It feels like I have been working hard on self, on the exterior world, on the whole deal…for a very long time. I would love a break. I would love to lay my head on a soft pillow and not have to worry about anything. Even in writing this last sentence it occurs to me that this ‘worry about things’ is what I need to give up. Beside my desk is a quote by Wayne Dyer, which I just literally looked up an re-read…it concludes…”If people only knew who or what is with them, in them, beside them all the time, they would never worry about anything.

If I were God, working on me…what is my plan? Maybe my plan is to get me to the ultimate place of surrender. To let go so completely, in exhaustion, the trying to keep things together, to run things, manage things, control things…to give it ALL up. To be on my knees such that I say…OK…I yield. I give myself to your hands. As you will it. Letting go also means giving up any form of what it looks like, any form of having money, fame, love..the lot. To stop trying to do…to stop trying…to stop….

Ughh!!

So I reach for Joseph Campbell, Hero With a Thousand Faces, “Where is the guide, Ariadne, to supply the simple clue that will give us the courage to face the Minotaur, and the means to find our way to freedom when the monster has been met and slain?”…….”Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone; for the hero’s of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the centre of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.

Now, some twenty four hours later, I conclude this piece. I feel the beauty in my experience, in the pain and mystery. All is well. Even as it appears so unwell. I have had several conversations with my own real life angels, my Ariadne’s. Wonderful friends, old and new, as we have conversed heart to heart. Hold still is the message. Hold still. The seeds have been sown, the work done. Though I am now in my forty days and forty nights in the desert, all will be well. Resist temptation. Stay the path. Be still, and know that I am God.

Please share your experience…I know I am not alone in this journey at this time…I would love to hear from you..

Share

Tags: , ,
Posted in Guinea Pig C-personal category, Personal Development, personal sustainability | 7 Comments »

On Forgiveness

Monday, September 13th, 2010

Borrow the Beloved’s eyes.
Look through them and you’ll see the Beloved’s face
everywhere. No tiredness, no jaded boredom.
“I shall be your eye and your hand and your loving.”
Let that happen, and things
you have hated will become helpers.

A certain preacher always prays long and with enthusiasm
for thieves and muggers that attack people
on the street. “Let your mercy, O Lord,
cover their insolence.”
He doesn’t pray for good,
but only for the blatantly cruel.
Why is this? his congregation asks.

“Because they have done me such generous favours.
Every time I turn back towards the things they want.
I run into them. They beat me and leave me nearly dead
in the road, and I understand, again, that what they want
is not what I want. They keep me on the spiritual path.
That’s why I honour them and pray for them.”

Those that make you return, for whatever reason,
to God’s solitude, be grateful to them.
Worry about the others, who give you
delicious comforts that keep you from prayer.
Friends are enemies sometimes,
and enemies Friends.

There is an animal called an ushghur, a porcupine.
If you hit it with a stick, it extends its quills
and gets bigger. The soul is a porcupine,
made strong by stick-beating.
So a prophet’s soul is especially afflicted,
because it has become so powerful.

A hide is soaked in tanning liquor and becomes leather.
If the tanner did not rub in the acid,
the hide would get foul-smelling and rotten.

The soul is a newly skinned hide, bloody and gross.
Work on it with manual discipline,
and the bitter tanning acid of grief,
and you will become lovely, and very strong.

If you can’t do this work by yourself, don’t worry.
You don’t even have to make a decision,
one way or another. The friend, who knows
a lot more than you do, will bring difficulties,
and grief, and sickness,
as medicine, as happiness,
as the essence of the moment when you’re beaten,
when you hear Checkmate, and can finally say,
with Hallaj’s voice.
I trust you to kill me.

Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks.
(Hallaj, a Sufi mystic and contemporary of Rumi)

Part of my daily practice is to read poetry of the mystics. I care not from what tradition they come. Christian, Sufi, Buddhist, atheist… it matters not. The threads are the same. The beauty of mystical poetry brings me closer to Great Spirit. I remember my connection to whatever is beyond my comprehension. How easy it is, in our busy lives, to forget.

This poem, by Rumi, touched me when I read it. It reminds me that when I turn towards greed, pride, avarice, selfishness…every time I stray from the road, ignore my guidance, judge without understanding…when I am heartbroken, in pain, on my knees, I am brought again to the path, to my practice, to my prayers. It is so easy to forget these things when the world is rocking, life is good, the money flows, love is all around. And often times friends can support each other in the collusion of this. They agree that I have been bad done by, instead of asking me to look at myself and the part I played. Friends might hang out in each others wounds, like modern day vampires, sucking off each others pain, but in so doing, keeping it alive..instead of doing the hard work of forgiveness and surrender.

It is the dark night that gives birth to the greatness in us. This is the beauty and the tragedy. No one escapes…and from this depth of understanding we grow in compassion.

If we really believe we are all one..then if I feel attacked by another, is it me attacking? When I hurt another, is it me hurting? When I am angry and I strike out, I strike myself.

Am I able to forgive if there is only me? Am I able to be deeply grateful to the thieves and muggers who attack me with their words, their sticks…knowing that they are the ones who keep me in the mystery and beauty of life and always in my greatest prayers and compassion?

Who do you need to forgive?
How long have you been carrying your vengeance?
At what price to your soul?
What is the payoff for hanging on to your vengeance?

Share

Tags: , ,
Posted in Personal Development | 2 Comments »

Beginning of the beginning

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Well I made it. It was never really in doubt…but here I am, now in the dawn of my 5th decade. What a journey these last few months have been.

On Tuesday, August 31st, 2010, I did finally feel like this was the beginning of the beginning. A new day, a new way of being, a new life. I had the most fabulous day…quiet, no major celebration. It started as a usual Tuesday. A run at 5 am at the track with the boys. The banter was its usual full on. Running with the boys you can be sure if you piss them off in any way, they will tell you immediately. No silent treatment, covert manipulation…just blunt, politically incorrect ‘sock it to me, baby’ truth. I love that. I don’t find the same level of raw truth so common in groups of women. Tiptoeing through land mines of sensitivity feels more like what happens in groups of women.  Maybe I am more of a guy. Heavens knows I have spent most of my life with groups of men.  I have not, to date, been very good at political correctness and heightened sensitivity, although I am working on becoming more so. (The sensitivity part….I will continue to give the whole PC deal a wide berth…I mean please…our opposition leader Tony Abbot being crucified for saying ‘no means no’, because apparently it has something to do with an anti-rape campaign. Here I was assuming that anyone has the right to say ‘no means no’.)

After the run, many calls, emails, and then surprise deliveries later, Natalie and I managed to leave the house and drive to the beach and the cafe for breakfast. A healthy breakfast, I might add. Then from here a ‘girls day out’, just the two of us, mother and daughter, window shopping, something we have not done together for a long time. The temptation to purchase was almost non-existent, something I am loving about becoming UN-addicted to shopping as a result of severe belt tightening.

We lunched on a healthy vegan hamburger with a Corona chaser. One beer in the middle of the day and I was quite tidily. Natalie thought it was very funny. So much so she posted a comment on Facebook, and many other people had a laugh at my expense.

Home to another delivery, this time a big box of “Roses Only”, a dozen long stemmed pink and yellow roses, from my beautiful daughter. (She also gave me an ipad, very spoilt am I.) We had some birthday cake, my mother joined us, and spent some time going through my solar return chart (birthday to birthday)…happily I can report that as long as I do my inner work, it will be a good year, a VERY good year…..a girlfriend delivered some champagne and a voucher for a pedicure, and my mother, my daughter and I left to go to see Burn the Floor, a fabulous and explosive live dance show. Home early, drank some champagne, watched some trash TV (something I rarely do) with Natalie and that was my day. Perfect in every way.

Getting to this point has been a big deal. Not the last 50 years, but the last few months. Long time readers will know I have been on quite a journey…which has included…

*Rekindling a relationship with my feminine. Still a work in progress…

*Releasing anger….this has been a big deal, brought to the surface by a breakdown with a team member in the Kokoda Challenge. After doing extensive inner work with the wonderful support of Cynthia, Laurent and my mother, I came to recognise that I had been born angry. It was as if I did not want to be here, did not want this life, this body, my situation. This at a very deep level, because I love life. How this manifest was not in depression, although I have had brushes with depression, but with a deep vein of anger. A toxic waste site buried somewhere in a hidden corner of my psyche, only bubbling to the surface when things outside got uncomfortable, out of my control, or not the way I wanted it. Looking your own anger square in the eye is quite a humbling exercise. In releasing it I do truly feel like this is the birth of a new me, choosing consciously to be in this life, in this body, in all the good and bad, the beautiful and ugly, the love and the pain. As part of this exercise I also looked  myself in the eye, accepting all of it. ALL OF IT. Phew!!! Three days after a releasing exercise I had a dream. I had been praying for a dream, for guidance, for a few days. I rarely remember my dreams. With an old dog Muffin, I am often up several times a night to tend to her, so I was aware that I was not dreaming at all. Silence. BIG silence. Zero. No dreams. Then exactly three days later (symbolic perhaps of the crucifixion and resurrection?) I dreamt I was shot dead. I woke the moment I died. It felt very real. My daughter and my dog, the two beings I am responsible for the care of, were safe before I died. It did feel like a part of me, an old and icky part of me, had died. It was quite a shocking experience.

*Evaluating my friendships and relationships. I have great and amazing friends. Long term friends…years and years of knowing each other, and some much newer. There are a few critical keys that I cherish about my friends. When there is an upset, we stay in the conversation until resolution. Not compromise…but resolution. I care enough about my friends that if there is an upset, I will speak to them about it, and they with me. We stay clean and clear. And we will go into the dark and murky places if needs be. No one will leave the room, or if they do, only for a short time before they come back. We don’t hold back. There is a deep and open channel of connection. Nothing hidden. As one of my friends of 20 years who I hadn’t seen for some time (she had been living in the UK) said to me…”Christine ever since I have known you I have known that to hang out with you I cannot get away with my shit..ever”(bless you Bronnie)……I like being around people who are the same with me. We don’t get away with our shit together. We do not collude with each other to stay small and safe. We go to the edge…and we are willing to be pushed. There are no guarantee’s of glory or fame, however I do get to look in the mirror and like who I see. Zero bullshit tolerance. And we resonate together…we do not always agree, but we come from the same set of principles, steeped in integrity. AND, we are constantly growing, learning, practicing, applying, seeking the edges. True positive deviants, all. No playing safe.

*As a result of this evaluation, I have recognised that I need to reach out more…to build more relationships with people like this. I can be very introverted, I like the internet, phone and skype, and I don’t do well at networking functions…so my task now is to reach out to more professional and entrepreneurial women in my local community. Men as well,  for at some point it may be nice to have an intimate partnership, and I am not going to meet him if I stay home. (No I am not going to do the internet dating thing…been there, done that, and my intuition says that is not it for me.) Reaching out will also help me from a business point of view, although that is secondary to the prime motivation of meeting like minded people.

A recognition of when I am in flow, connected, and feel the Universe rolling in ecstasy at my feet. This was a big deal, as I was feeling so disconnected and in scarcity. Cynthia helped me with this.  I feel deeply connected when I write…there is a knowing..even though I have no idea what I am going to write before I sit down, and I never know where it is going to go…it is such a wonderful mystery to me… yet I just know that it will be there, and so many times what is there surprises the heck out of me. There is no shortage, or scarcity, or lack…In coaching, same deal. I completely trust, again without having a clue what will happen, where it will go, what will come up, what needs to be said. When I am facilitating groups, without a structure, or agenda. Again, I am in present time, tapped into something else, and there I go..or where I go to find the words I have no idea, but they are there, and the more I trust and let go, the more miracles happen. This is one reason why I cannot do keynotes so well, because I am not so good at preparing…I want to do the Bucky thing, and stand, present, look to the ceiling, look down, open my mouth, and speak. But I a deeply attached to it being about the audience, about what they want..rather than delivering what I think they may want. Therefore, I must engage with them somehow…if anyone has ideas on how to do this and have it be a keynote, let me know…as I have not made the translation yet.

More is unfolding…and I feel deeply excited and peaceful about the future. My wonderful partners in The Constellation, the amazing friends, the incredible relationship with my daughter, my super health and vitality, these are all assets that are priceless. There are books to write, courses to lead, lessons to learn, mountains to climb, marathons to run, people to meet and fall in love with….all of this…

Thank you to you, my readers, for your endurance, interest, and loyalty. I love hearing from you, connecting with you, knowing you. Please write me, leave a comment, and tell me what I am doing well, what you would like more or..less of…etc…or just say hello.

As my daughter says…mum, since you plan to live to 140 healthy, then you are not even half way there. When you are 70 we will have a party, and we will rock the world. I am a late bloomer, it is the beginning of the beginning…

Blessings,

Christine

Share

Tags: , ,
Posted in Change, Guinea Pig C-personal category, Personal Development | No Comments »