Archive for May, 2010

Finding the Feminine

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

Last week I wrote about my rekindled relationship with the domains of the faerie. My mother, the wonderful spiritual astrologer, Ashtara, is usually the person I call when the Universe seems to be heckling my spirit.

Friday last week I woke feeling very trapped. For the last 16 years I have allowed myself to fall down the very icky rabbit hole of debt. In the last 4 years I have been cleaning up my relationship to money. I only pay cash, I only spend what I have, I pay my bills when they come in, and I spend very little on anything but the essentials. I keep a record of income, money owed to me, and my debt payments. I keep a relationship with my debtors. As I am self employed, my monthly income is not fixed. When there is little money, I don’t get paid. While I have been reforming my money habits on the exterior, I have also been working to learn the greater money system, which is a very complex subject.

Of late my income has dipped precipitously. Intuitively I feel like I am being pushed (shoved) into my next iteration. However I am in the corridor between the door that is closing and the one that hasn’t yet fully opened. It is at time, quite scary. I wobble between huge bursts of activity, the feeling of being trapped, and a sense that I must STOP. Stop? Stop? How can I stop. I have to work to emerge through emergency. I must do, and do and do some more.

When I called my favourite astrologer last week, I said to her …I feel trapped. I can’t move, I can’t breath.

We talked.  She said it was time for me to do the work on the balancing of my masculine and feminine. I have strong masculine energy. Doing, and action, and driving is my default pattern.

I need to find the feminine. Trouble is, I am not sure how to. A friend said bubble baths. Ughh!!! Or a pedicure. Another ughh!. Aware that taking the time for one of these events is not the long term answer, I am really at a loss. How do I cultivate the feminine as a full time way of being, instead of just a short term exercise?

After years of being on my own, building a career, managing parenting, I am completely out of touch with the feminine side. My idea of luxury is reading a Vogue magazine for 20 minutes in the evening over dinner while watching world news. Or a Sunday on the couch after a long run lost in a good book. Mind you, I do this rarely.

I need help. I need your advise? How do I bring the feminine into my life? Let me know your thoughts.

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Transitions

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

Love change, love change..I have been self employed for 25 years because I am unemployable, and I am unemployable because I love change. (and being the creative entrepreneur in control) I am not so good at changing my address, but everything else…

For the last 14 years my income source has been via my coaching – one-on-one and groups. This has been the most remarkable gift to me. To do work that makes your heart sing. I feel very blessed for everything coaching has brought me. Friends around the world I love, an amazing learning journey, a skill and craft that has taken me from being a very rough diamond to having a heart. Amazing clients. Incredible adventures. Each year of my coaching journey has been an evolving one, so the change has continued.

But the Universe is asking me to play a different game now. Transcending and including coaching. It is very exciting. I am not afraid of what I am moving towards, that is very energising. I do have some fears about the space between. How the transition will be resourced.

My life always comes down to the point of trust and surrender. For many years I have asked God/spirit to be my business partner. I have recently realised I have been a lousy partner, for my trust in my partner has been so low. The deal now is that whenever the fear grips me and I contract I have to breath and return to trust. Or as the Course in Miracles says, “There is no order of difficulty to miracles” Anything and everything is possible.

Interestingly, in my daily practice, I usually draw a Zen taro card. Something to contemplate for the day. Sometime last week it was clear to me that I needed to use a different card deck. Now I  can be way too practical and un-fussy for my own good. I have been inspired by my friend Lindley, who is an ex-corporate banker, current CEO of a very successful Australasian firm and who is a lover of the Celtic mythic entities. Faeries and such. Synchronistically, reading Caroline Myss’s blog a few weeks ago she asked her readers to consider where did enchantment live in their lives? Caroline, a big fan of Alice in Wonderland, has a house full of Alice characters. Me, my enchantment is in a box under lock and key, buried in the basement. It seems it is time for me to bring it out, and to eject some of my rigidity around fussiness and the magical and mystical.  So out came the faery card deck. And I love it. (Well that may be obvious to you, but not to me!)

Of course, I adored reading the Bitterbynde Trilogy, three novels by Australian author Cecelia Dart Thornton. All about the celtic mythological realm. And I am not alone in my love of Tolkien, and Harry Potter and the Twilight series. This is how I allow my expression of enchantment to live, secretly devoured under covers and between the pages of wonderful books. Snuck in somewhere between the intellectual, political and economics books!  Interesting isn’t it that the biggest best sellers of all time involve the mythic world?

To reinforce further any form of mistake in the scheme of things, one of my archetypal characters is the mischievous imp. A small sprightly faerie like character. This character rarely comes out, but my good friends know her well.  And…would you know it, my team for the Kokoda Challenge 2010, well, we are called the Victory Sports (our sponsors) Sprights! OK, you are now rolling around on the floor laughing!

Finally, the novel that is wanting to be written by me features angels! Not even I knew that until I put pen to paper. I have only written two pages, but I know the story lives and needs to be born.

So we have unleashed the enchantment box, and this blog is going in a very different direction to the one I thought it was going to. I suspect that these sprightly characters needed unleashing. And I need to give them due respect.

Circling back. I am in transition, in the space in between, and it seems obvious that I am supported by all sorts of mischief.

What am I up to…

Well, last year was birthed The Constellation. From this little seed that came together so remarkably well we are now working on some very incredible projects. Global projects that look at evolving whole systems. The people we are dancing with have amazing leverage and influence. It is like a giant tapestry is being woven, and the threads are all coming together in the most breathtaking way. I really can feel it.

On top of this, we are birthing from within The Constellation a new way of being in business together. One of my pet projects has been to unfold a new model of business. The one we have is 410 years old, created by Queen Elisabeth 1 to build the East India company, and is all about limited liability. Well, we are about 100% responsibility.

Crafting this new model of business in its own right is very exciting to me.

Within in this, my own little project is about creating an experiential game around the money system. This is a massive piece of work, with implications beyond this blog. If you want more details, let me know.

Plus…(There is more? Well it is a major transition, and I do like to play)….we are working on my rebranding. Its a subtle shift, but very aligned with who I am.

All my life and in most of my writing the continued theme is integrity. We are positioning me to be the authority on integrity. The Chief Integrity Steward. I will work with influential people, entrepreneurs, celebrities, rising stars, elite athletes, executive teams and boards, on their integrity. Building it, restoring it, maintaining it. My role will be mentor, advisor, confidant, and coach. It is actually what I have been doing for a while, but under the coaching banner.  Open any newspaper and there is no question that there is a need.

We are working on the business model around this…in the mean time, let me know your thoughts, suggestions, ideas.

So there you have it…major change, major transition, and all the while, off with the faeries…I love it…isn’t life delicious?

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Crisis? What crisis?

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

As a student of history (and I mean a home grown student, not a graduate of any school of history), it occurs to me that there have been many times in the history of Universe, and specifically in the history of human kind in Universe, when we have been faced with unprecedented crises that portended the end of life as we know it.

Currently we have the impending event of 2012.  Whatever this date holds, it correlates with  the other major issues such as the  converging crises of the economy, the environment and peak oil.

Yet I wonder what it felt like in 1941/42/43/44 for millions of people around the world? Did this not seem like the end of the world? Son’s and daughters dying in strange places, the threat of take over of nations by Germans or Japanese, (not to mention how life was experienced by the Japanese and Germans) rationing, bombing, fear 24/7. I cannot imagine it, but I could imagine that it was very scary.

Then the cold war, and the constant fear of nuclear annihilation. Children trained at schools to ‘duck for cover!’

We can wind back the clock to many points in history and find apocalyptic events. How would life have been when the black plague was killing millions? Or when the inquisition was in full assault? Some estimate up to 6 million women and girls were killed over a period of history for being witches! (using intuition, herbs to heal, regular women’s stuff.. etc)

I am not saying we are in unprecedented times. Each crisis is unique. However, it seems to me that in each critical period there is an egoic response that owns the crisis as being the very biggest, most serious of all of histories crises.

If we truly believe we live in an evolving, emergent Universe, then expecting and experiencing change is the norm. The difference with our current era is that for the first time we are becoming conscious of our consciousness.

This is a good thing, a healthy next step. It offers more hope than ever before, not more fear.

If I were God, and if the role of Universe was to determine if humans could evolve to a level where there was 100 percent success for all in eternally regenerative Universe, then I would probably create a confluence of such events that demanded that we transcend our “I”, our individual survival oriented small egoic self, and discover that the only way we can actually rise above the potential impending disasters, is to collaborate.

Therefore I look upon this era as an exciting time. Pandora’s box has been open for a long time now. The contagion and pestilence has been running riot for thousands of years. And the whisper of hope is calling from the depths, stronger than ever before because it now brings with it consciousness.

Enough talk about the crisis in this and that. This is fear talking. And the perpetuation of fear. We do not need any more fear, unless it serves to motivate you.

Yes we have work to do. Its good work. It learning from our mistakes and building new models that render the old obsolete. Let’s focus on the opportunity and creativity that this time brings. It asks the best from us. We all have something to contribute that is of value at this time, whether it is raising healthy, resilient children, or finding a cure for malaria.

Instead of getting sucked into the noise of fear and impending doom, let us roll up our sleeves and get to work on creating the kind of systems, structures, tools, businesses, communities, families and relationships that support the whole.

And when we are done, and have grown lazy and complacent again, as sure as the sun rises, there will be another crisis. Hallelujah. Its called evolution!

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