Archive for August, 2009

My Definition of Success-How Lucky am I?

Friday, August 28th, 2009

What is my definition of success?

Two Angels, Natalie and Rachel

Two Angels, Natalie and Rachel

As August 2009 comes to a close I sit here on a beautiful Friday afternoon on the Gold Coast in Queensland Australia and feel so blessed.

In the background I have the beautiful piano music of Michael Jones playing. The cool breeze is coming through the wide open doors that open onto my courtyard. There are birds calling in the background and the sun is shining in a blue cloudless sky. I have spent the morning working with some of my incredible clients and then engaged in a phone conversation that left every part of my physical and metaphysical form singing with the sheer joy and beauty of it.

My life has come so far, and I look back at all of the peaks and valleys and the journey to here with such awe and gratitude. This week alone has been one of such immensity and possibility it simply must go down in my life as resonating with infinite success.

In my early 20’s I had a burn for success. I was ambitious, I wanted to be the King of the World. (Queen of the World just doesn’t have the same ring to it!) The Universe had other plans. I see the perfection in everything that has unfolded. The relationships that came and went, and the pain and the joy they brought with them, the synchronous events that took me from one path to another, unexpectedly falling pregnant…the joys and disappointments, the places traveled…

While I truly get that everything matters, no event is small, or insignificant, there are events that seem to have such importance, where the color of the thread that has weaved the tapestry of my life has added a defining hue.

The move from Architecture school to Chiropractic college was one such event. While my work as a Chiropractor was limited in time, the study of the human body, of health and disease, has been a corner stone of my life. At the same time, the two disciplines are both a study of structure and form, a connection clear to me, but elusive to most. Structure and form and the understanding of the space between has been a constant on my path. Understanding energy, flow, systems, form…

Working at Camp Eden, an alternate Health retreat, for a year, started me on a journey from pure science to the realm of the invisible, mind, body, metaphysics and personal development. My world view cracked open.

Working with DC Kordova and Robert Kyiosaki (Money and You program) brought me to Buckminster Fuller. His work has guided my life ever since. Everything he did speaks to me…his quest to demonstrate the existence of God/ Great Spirit, his life demonstration of Integrity, his childlike passion and joy, and his commitment to the whole of Universe.

Meeting Joseph at a Dan Millman seminar opened my world to the conversation around mental illness, life, death and depression and also brought me to the work of Caroline Myss. Joseph also opened me to love.

Meeting Michele through Money and You has given me a very special friend for life, plus brought me to coaching, a vocation I had been seeking for all of my life.

Coaching brought me to so many of my beloved friends, Marcia, Cheryl, Lorraine, DJ…and into work that I truly loved. Plus it allowed me to formulate the work around Dare to Care and to really develop myself as a communicator in service to the best in people. An Amchara to others. Such a privileged path.

All along this path I have been in a constant self inquiry, choosing always to go deeper into  the darkness when it shows up, rather than run from the pain. Learning, questioning, staying still, feeling, being, expanding, seeking support from others.

Running became a place for me to combine everything…silence, movement, inner work, discipline, being in nature, meeting my beast and getting to know him, learning about my body and speaking physical fluently, traveling the world to run marathons…building relationships.

Mother hood really opened my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that my daughter was to be in my life. She was conceived while I was on the  birth control pill, was very much in charge of how and when she was going to be born, and then opened my heart on her arrival. And she was born an angel. Of that I am sure. My job was to simply allow this angel wings to fly, and not mess her up, because the beauty and perfection were so present. Anyone who  meets her is touched by her angel. It has been a privilege to be a steward in her unfolding.

During this whole time of my life there has been a quest and hunger for more. I have wanted to engage in a much bigger conversation, and work that is global in scope. It became apparent that money and the accumulation of it was never highest on my list. Living life out loud was always the highest and service to others has become ever more important.

For years I have questioned the definition of success. What is it? And what does success mean to me?

In the beginning my definition of success was very much rooted in the material world. Money and stuff! Having lots of homes around the world, traveling first class, dressing in fabulous designer clothes. But life was teaching me a richer meaning and definition of success, and I am grateful for that. The road to finding a definition of success that truly nourishes me has not been easy. And yet it has been infinitely perfect.

At some point I arrived at a definition of success that was rooted in my choices. That for me to be successful meant that I was honouring my intuitive guidance no matter what. I was successful if I paid attention to my deepest truth, and lived by that. This still works for me and is my challenge and joy. It is certainly not the easiest road, as there are times when my ego wants something very much…like status and recognition. Or when the opportunity to make a lot of money is oh so very tempting even though I know my heart and soul would not resonate with the opportunity and my spirit would be prostituted.

Today in a conversation that moved me to such a place of deep gratitude I heard David Martin’s definition of success.

“If I end the day with friends and strangers sharing a good meal then I am a wealthy person in the world”

This week I have had many occasions to do just this. For my path has brought me to those larger conversation that I have yearned for with people that I so love being with that I can hardly stand the joy of it. There is no mistakes…in Brazil I broke bread with people who are doing incredible work world wide, and from Brazil I get to spend this week in dialogue with some of these people as we start to co-create artifacts that every fibre of my being tells me will be of such value to the world.

Jonathan Fields shared in his blog the following..

Will this choice allow me to…

Spend the greatest amount of time..

absorbed in activities and relationships that fill me up…

while surrounding myself with people I cannot get enough of, and…

earning enough to live comfortably in the world…

“while adding value comprehensively…” (my personal addition)

My definition of success therefore goes something like this..

If I honour my highest truth at all times..
and get to spend my time doing work that adds value comprehensively…
with people who demonstrate beauty, integrity, and truth in all they do,
trusting at all times in the infinite wisdom of Universe..

then I am indeed successful.

Oh joy, oh joy…how lucky am I?

I would love to hear from you about what success means to you…

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City Of God, Rio de Janeiro

Monday, August 24th, 2009

I had not really heard of the City of God, at least not enough to know anything about it. Was it a book or a movie? Yes, a movie was made in 2002. I hadn’t seen it. It was nominated for an Academy Award in the foreign language section. I have it now to watch.

Here I was on a brilliant Sunday morning, just after 10 am, about to embark on one of those magical mystical tours, for which you have no expectations, no knowledge of at the outset, and yet by travels end, leaves you permanently changed.

After my five days in Belo Horizonte at the State of the World Forum event, I discovered just before departing for the airport, that Nicky, one of the State of the World Forum participants, a world expert in working with cities and sustainability, was not only on my flight, she was in Rio de Janeiro for the same three days as me. We had not really connected at the conference, although I had had several experiences of her.

The first, as I was checking in to the hotel, was in noticing this woman, very determined and quite demanding at the reception desk. Yep…I judged her. Shame on me. Of course, she is me and my behaviour, which is precisely why I recognised her and reacted…and while I have managed to tone down my ability to be aggressive and bossy, it is still my default pattern, particularly if crossed, tired, or determined. I have no problem being aggressive, demanding, somewhat angry, even rude.

I know that much of that behaviour for me has been learned behaviour to cope with a man’s world where I have felt smaller, and…as a single parent, I thought I had to fight for every scrap…and yet it is also part of my inherent nature…I was the child who’s first words were bugger, bugger, bugger…angry at not getting my way…!

I do like that part of me. When the chips are down, I am good to have on your team, because I make impossible things happen, and I do not take no for an answer. In my wiser days, I have learned that there are other ways to go about this, far less aggressive and bolshy. However, the Universe was as usual plotting for me to get a stiff lesson in the bad habit of judging people so quickly. Touche.

My other experience of Nicky was in a dialogue where her foresight and insight were so astute one could only be in deep respect towards her immeasurable skills.

I was to find that she was a lady with enormous heart…

So I find myself sharing a car to the airport, and then a flight, and then the bus. We were like two lost souls in a foreign land, as indeed we were, and we bonded. I noticed she had a red coloured string around her wrist, the kind you get when visiting India. There was more to this woman than meets the eye…of course!!…I am sure the Universe was laughing at me …

Here I was Sunday morning, invited by Nicky to set out on this magical mystery tour with two women she had met in Belo.

Cato, Giselle, Nicky, Maria

Cato, Giselle, Nicky, Maria

Maria, tall, generous of heart and spirit, a native of Denmark, local resident of Rio, musician. Giselle, equally as tall, exquisitely beautiful, the epitome of the Brazilian girls you would expect to see dancing samba at Carnaval. Giselle doesn’t speak English well, Maria is fluent in both English and Portuguese.
Giselle is a model, and an entrepreneur. She started the first fashion school in the favela’s. She is now working with Maria on a project combining music and fashion to get support to bring kids out of the slums.
Joining us is Nicky’s Godson, Cato, recently graduated with a Ph.D. from Oxford University in English Literature, raised by Nicky after his parents death.

We drive down the coast for about 45 minutes to get to the City of God, one of Rio’s many slums, or favela’s. This one is peculiar in that it is flat, not clinging to the hill side as most of Rio’s other favela’s are.

Before we enter the favela we meet Giselle’s father, a tall and handsome man who runs a fruit stall. I was immediately impressed by the amount of genuine love and affection that Giselle and her father had for each other.

Giselle and her father

Giselle and her father

Giselle’s home and birth place was not far inside. Our odd little group didn’t seem to attract too much attention. I don’t know why…maybe staring at strangers is considered rude, or maybe we are not that unusual, or possibly because people are used to the strange.

For the most part, the streets and walkways were very clean. Old, broken down, rutted and pot holed, but clean. I found this throughout Rio. The animals that I did see seemed reasonably well cared for.

Giselle’s house was down a very narrow lane way where washing was hung against the walls. Her mother had lived in this house for a very long time, and born and raised 7 children here to two fathers. The house was about the size of two king sized beds, with a very small anti-chamber and single seater couch, which was where Giselle had slept. (I am not sure how?) Inside was a three seater couch, a TV and stereo, telephone, fridge, sink, stove and a screened off area I assumed was the bathroom/toilet? Electrical wires ran along the walls, the roof was corrugated material, probably asbestos. Giselle used a ladder to slide back one of the roof sheets so we had fresh air and light. A built in sun roof! I am not sure how a bunch of children managed to sleep in here, but I am sure it was cosy.

Giselle made us a delicious fresh fruit cocktail, we met her mother, who is about my height (short) and a very happy soul, we met the neighbours beautiful infant daughter and the family cat. There was love and joy overflowing.

From here we walked to the other side of the creek…which was more like an open sewer, to visit Giselle’s brother family. Their home was larger and more modern. Again, love was everywhere.

Along the way we met one of Giselle’s sister’s. She was short also, and had only a few teeth. And a very big smile. One of Giselle’s brothers has a daughter who is pregnant at 13 or 14. This is normal.

Next stop was to visit a friend who is both an astrologer and a web designer. His office/home was fully decked out with computer, sound equipment and such. Valdomiro is a bundle of joy. He was so excited to meet us and to learn that my mother is an astrologer. Within moments he shoved gifts for her into my hands. Such spontaneous generosity. Rare in most cities I have visited.

From the City of God we drove back towards Rio and stopped at Rocinha, one of the famous favela’s in South Rio. Rocinha does cling to the side of the hill and is busy, busy busy, like an ant hill. Since Giselle is not a local, the rules here are slightly different, we need to be a little more respectful, and a little more mindful of our guest status.

I am told that each favela has its rulers (drug lords) and laws. You do not steel from your own. There is no prostitution. Electricity if off the grid, so at no charge. (Also looks so haphazard I am sure people must get electrocuted regularly). There are no city services like garbage day.

In Rocinha we had lunch. It was about 4.30 in the afternoon and this is considered normal for lunch. It was Fathers Day, so the restaurant was busy. Lunch was the traditional Brazilian fare, meat, rice, beans, and the ever present caipirinhas (cane liquor and lime cocktails).

Cato was taking photo’s and Giselle told him not too. The street was very crowded, with motor bikes going too and fro, missing people by inches. However, there was also activity in the street, of the drug kind. And photo’s were a no no.

My eyes were not trained to see this kind of activity. To Giselle it was obvious. It reminded me of the story of native indians not being able to see boats when they first arrived. Their eyes had no ability to see boats. Or my little dog, unable to see/respond to her reflection in the mirror. I was blind to the workings of the street.

What I was not blind to was the guy who went right by me on a motorbike, inches from me, with a very nasty looking machine gun over his shoulder. I was reminded that I was in another world, with different rules. Street rules, and they seemed to work well.

The entire day was devoid of any kind of fear. Or disgust. Or shame. Indeed, I experienced the opposite. Love, generosity, joy, care and respect.

Maria tells me that most of the people that work in Rio’s hotels and bars live in the favela’s.  Those lovely people who stand at the door of my hotel and smile when I enter, or help me with my bags, or serve me for breakfast, or clean my room.

Sure, some of them steal, and crime in Rio is supposed to be very bad. But most of the favelados, the residents of the favela’s, are the working class, and they have dignity and pride, and work with respect and care for others.

When I look at Giselle and her family, at their spontaneous expression of love, their openness and joy, I see the beauty of the favela’s. Their values are different from ours. Less complex.

I feel very lucky for what I have. For being born in a country like Australia. At the same time, I feel sad that so many of us born to privilege have been overcome by a disease of wanting ever more, of deep dissatisfaction with the level of what we have, of being insanely driven to get more. It is a sickness that creates entitlement, whinging, obsession, debt and spiritual poverty.

Several days later, standing on top of Sugarloaf Mountain, looking down upon the beauty of Rio, with all its light and shade,  I asked myself what can we do…what do we do to turn the world around from the mess we are in…from our crazy silly lifestyle that is killing mother earth? Over population, rotten waterways, pollution, over consumption, over use of chemicals in farming…lack of water…all this…what do we do? And part of the solution has to do with getting people out of poverty. Poverty has to to with our economic system, which is no longer viable to support the healthy future of the world and its inhabitants. At the same time, we must also be mindful of protecting against spiritual poverty.

Are we able to lift that 80% out of financial poverty without turning them into us…insatiable machines who have forgotten real joy and value? That is our work. It requires love and compassion and deep integrity, tempered with great wisdom and courage.

What a day…back at the hotel at 6.30 pm, tired, dusty, and at peace, I thought about what a special day I had had.

Maria, sharing the heart of her beloved adopted Rio, Giselle, sharing her transcendent beauty and love, Nicky, a beautiful soul with a warriors heart and a genuine care for people, Cato, at that golden point in life where we need to take a deep breath and choose our path, and me…surrendered to the magical mystery tour that is life and that constantly has me in awe. And then people of Rio. Alive, pulsing to the music of samba.

My friend Alexandra, Rio local, tells me that few non favela locals have had the kind of experience I had on this day. Few people get to go inside the slums as a guest.

I feel gratitude…and for the remaining days in Rio, I ride the bus, and walk the streets, absent of fear, deeply in love with this city and its breathtaking beauty, and immense poverty, its magnificent light and shade, its heat and passion reflected in the rhythm and sound of the drums, the samba, and the down and dirty of life lived loud.

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Forever Beta

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Give up the thought of creating a product that is fixed in time. We are now in a world of forever beta. Constant emergence, constant improvement, constant change. And speedy too, faster every day.

Just imagine if you lived as if this were true all the time, in everything you do? Welcome to that world.

Fast Forever Beta…technology, blogging, software, babies, young children, a rare group of people, like Positive Deviants and non conformists, google, apple, Seth..

Medium Forever Beta…older children, some people who seek change consciously, companies like Nokia, the pharmaceuticals, weapons systems, countries like Brazil, especially around green tech; entertainment..

Slo..o..o..w Forever Beta…most people, most relationships, most businesses, housing, our economic system, our governance system, our transport system, our energy systems, our education systems, politics, most countries, our health systems…(True, some things need to be in slow forever beta to maintain health and stability. Thankfully the rotation of our planets, the movement of the earths crust…these things are in slow forever beta. however…most of our human systems are in slow forever beta at the cost of our comprehensive health.)

Does this tell a story? I hope so. The story it tells me is that we better get with the program and build faster forever beta into many significant aspects of our lives. Because when we don’t the systems literally become dinosaurs. And we are surrounded by dinosaurs. We now have the technology to build fast forever beta as a matter of habit and because it is an imperative.

You start up a new restaurant…and either set up a blog, or better yet, Twitter…so your customers can interact with you immediately. Feedback can be harsh, or great..but it will be speedy. Would you rather know that your food tonight was below par, than to hear about it next month because no one came to eat? Tonight I can do something about it for tomorrow..next month it may be too late. I may be broke!

How about personal relationships? Imagine if we truly accepted that we are in forever beta in our relationships.. Each and every day WILL be different between the two of you. That you can look forward to the changes, the uncertainty? I find it strange that we seem to accept this with young children, knowing that they change and grow so quickly…yet at some point we expect our children to reach a place where they stay the same…become predictable. And we get mad when our children or our partners do not conform to our expectations and be the same as they were yesterday.

Our technological world has lead the way in forever beta. Version #1.0 is released, and the minute after release version #1.1 is in progress. We like this about technology. Especially when the updates are part of the original price. We like it when things get better and better. However, when our partner comes home and says he has a new version of himself, fear grips us. Will we like the new version? Will the new version like us? Will we think that the new version is better and better? How will we relate?  And there in lies the dilemma! We have to learn to live in constant feedback of forever beta in order to keep up with each other and when we do not…opps… the ”who are you?” syndrome arises.

We are all addicted to the predictable in places in our lives. I do like to know that I can go to my bedroom at night and sleep in a warm bed. However, I know that when I do travel, the experience of the unpredictable is what makes travel so great. The Forever Beta of travel gets me out of the rut…… and the rut is like a slow sleeping sickness. I don’t know I am in it until I am thrown out of it by change. While I may not like the change, or find it comfortable, it keeps me alive and in motion.

And Forever Beta is just that. Alive! Moving, responding, adapting..learning..

Our world is heaving under the lid of stuck systems. Be sure not to be one of them. And when your partner comes home in version #6.7, crack the champagne.

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