Archive for March, 2009

Deception, Truth and Conscious Communication

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

The mythology of my life has been a passionate inquiry/quest into truth. At core to understand what is truth for me, and in the larger frame, to understand and integrate the Universal Truths.
I use capital T for Universal Truths, as they are the operating code of Universe, and small t for my own truth, to distinguish between the two.
A example of a Universal Truth is the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This applies to everyone, everywhere. If we do not live by this Truth then the Universal Truth of Karma, or cause and effect, will apply.
A truth for me may be an action I take today that is right for me today. It may not be right for me tomorrow, or last week. Today it is my truth. I know it will be a truth for me because no single part of my being, body, psyche will have even a tiny shadow of doubt, concern, murkiness and when I have taken action around my truth there will be no residue for me on any level. (As always we must consider my truth in light of my lines and levels of development and my mental health. Someone at egocentric red stage of development for example, will have as their truth that it is totally OK to kill innocent people to make a point. Or someone at the amber absolute stage of development will believe that it you do not adopt their faith then hell is the only destination. A paranoid schizophrenic has no ability to determine truth. It is because of these distinctions that the subject becomes so complex). All truths at the level of self will be encompassed by Universal Truths.

This article will not address the finer distinctions between Truth and truth, as this is a complex subject worthy of a whole book. Universal Truths on their own is a very big subject likely to create strong debate.

Today we will be looking at truth and deception and how we must bring awareness to our ability to deceive as we develop conscious communication.

The etymology of the word deception is from “Middle English deceiven, from Old French deceveir, from Vulgar Latin *dēcipēre, from Latin dēcipere, to ensnare, deceive : dē-, de- + capere, to seize;”

To deceive involves the deliberate misrepresentation of the truth.
To betray implies treachery.
To mislead means to lead in the wrong direction or into error of thought or action.

In my work with conscious communication we deal with the overt situations, the obvious, observable events, AND, we look at the subtle, micro, energetic events. Deception at the overt level is pretty easy to observe. It is at the micro level that things become tricky and one must explore with great care, for deception lies hidden, like a sleeping monster, able to rot relationship with insidious energetic poison over a long long time.

Examples: I may have an interior conversation about how I am going to take an action. I will do “X”. Many of us have had these interior conversations and make promises around doing “X” for years, even decades.
X = lose weight, get fit, eat better food, drink less, end a bad relationship, stop spending money, take the course, play more…..
When we have X be part of our ongoing interior conversation and DO NOTHING about it, then we are in self deception. Or, even worse, when we do something about it that is not really committed but allows us believe we are really taking action – this is actually just another ploy we are playing out to deceive ourselves…. On the overt level, this deception is not easily observed. There may be signs, like overweight, heart disease, general long term unhappiness… only you really know if you have been deceiving self. Most people do not have the courage to admit that they have.

On an even more subtle level, if we say to ourselves and others that we really want a long term committed relationship, and yet we keep a half dozen mild entanglements with other people fed and watered (even if we are feeding them scraps very sporadically), then we are in both self deception and deception to others. We are deceiving ourselves by not acting with complete integrity around what we say, and what we do, and we are deceiving the others by keeping them fed and watered, even on scraps, that there is any possibility of a relationship with them no matter how remote and distant that might be.

At the most subtle level, deception deals with energy. If my energy is aligned and clean, this means that what I THINK, what I FEEL, what I EMOTE, what I SENSE, is what I say and do. Total congruence in my conscious communication.

If I say I want a long term committed relationship, and I think about having fun with 3 or 4 people, I am in self deception at a very subtle level. If I actually have 3 or 4 people I keeping dangling on a string with even the slightest intimation that there is possibility of a relationship with them, then my deception is of greater overt magnitude, but no more or less toxic.

We have all been deceived and we have all deceived.

We know what it feels to deceive. At the overt level, you lie to someone, blatantly. Lying is also done by omission. Withholding, not speaking. This is more covert. What we will do is come up with a thousand and one very valid reasons why it is good to lie to the other, or to withhold. However, at the energetic level, we are now carrying an energetic toxic charge, a psychic free radical. We are no longer free. Our energy is muddy and becomes heavier, and the frequency of our perception and insight is diffused. Life will slow down. Synchronicity will fail us. Our vitality will be dimmed, even to a small degree. Multiple this one little transgression of withholding or lying by 10 and we get lead boots. Everything in our life becomes harder. The more conscious you are the harder it gets and the more this compounds. Nothing seems to work so well. Consciousness is truth and clarity. The higher your consciousness the faster the effects of any form or level of deception will work, and the heavier the cost.

When others deceive us some part of our subconsciousness knows. The energy is not clean, and unclean energy registers in our psyche somewhere. We may not have the conscious awareness of what it is, we may not have the language, but it will have registered.

Even at the extreme micro level-the level of atoms and cells, deception registers. Imagine it like a form of pollution. The body/mind/soul may be able to cope with a very small amount, but over time the toxicity multiplies like a cancer. It is nasty nasty stuff and pollutes and destroys homes, businesses, nations.

If you recall when you were children, you knew when your parents said no to you and meant MAYBE? Just as you knew when they said no to you and meant NO! We can register this distinction from a very very early age. Even a babe in arms has a truth discrimination meter available to them and all babies will work the weaknesses that their parents expose in themselves. We never loose this ability to pick up clean and crooked energy signals-clean being aligned and congruent, crooked being any form of untruth even on the micro level. Often as adults we do not pay attention to these subtle signals anymore, because we have replaced them with rational thoughts. Energetic signals have little physical tangible evidence and therefore do not fit the world of our rational linear brain.

Parents do know when their children are doing drugs, children really do know when their parents are not being truthful, a lover knows when their partner is betraying them, staff know when bosses are fabricating things. More often than not the reason we do not really look at the truth in our world is because, in the words of Jack Nicholson from the movie, “A Few Good Men”, “You can’t handle the truth!” And the simple fact is that most of us cannot handle it. We would rather go into denial, or pretend otherwise. We want our lives to stay safe and the same. The fear of all that will unravel when we really take a deep breath and look at the truth is so overwhelming that most of us just don’t do it. For years and years and years. And yet, it is still there, always with you, like a nasty shadow, following you around from day to day, keeping you from being fully alive and aligned. It makes us old before our time, it robs us of our vitality, it sludges our energy.

The truth will indeed set you free… it is the only thing that ever will. Extreme truth takes courage and always starts with you. It is the road less travelled and the path least taken for the simple reason that it is hard on the human level, and incredibly joyous on the soul level. It is the path of conscious communication and the path of the Positive Deviant.

…life and freedom, or slow toxic living death….what do you choose?

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Emergency Tool Kit for Maintaining Personal Sustainability

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

We all have times when out thinking, emotions, feelings and life in general are not moving the way we would like.

We may be in a down spiral of negative thoughts, our emotions may be frayed, and life might feel stuck, or horrible. We may suffer from anxiety or depression.

It is in these times that we need an Emergency Tool Kit, our own unique little box of tools, techniques and exercises that can get us back up, and into the positive.

The moment you are aware you have slipped down the spiral of negativity, that your thinking has become stinking, you pull out your Emergency Tool Kit and extract a specific tool or exercise to get you out of the haze.

Here are some ideas for your Emergency Tool Kit.

1. A journal
Your journal is your silent best friend. In this you record your thoughts and feelings, ask questions, jot down notes from great books, express emotions, draw pictures, write letters to self. In my journal I put quotes, thoughts from books, ask myself questions and write the answers unedited. It comes with me where ever I go. It is a reference and a place for introspection. My journal helps me keep perspective. It allows me to watch as I evolve. I have been keeping a journal of one form or other since I was 11. Reviewing my last years journal always surprises and delights me. Each year to travel so far and know that there is as much again to learn next year.

2. Music or art that takes you to a place of transcendent joy quickly
I have only recently discovered that I can listen to Tchaikovsky’s Ballets-The Nutcracker or Swan Lake, and if I really listen to the music, be almost immediately taken into an embodied experience of joy. In this state my heart is open, I feel light and free, I see myself dancing, I get that I am completely connected to the Universe and the source of all creation. If I was previously in a fear based state, even paralyzed, then listening to this music gets me unstuck very quickly. I can now even access this state by thinking about listening to the music.
Ask yourself what you have done in the past that fills you with an experience of joy. It could be music, it could be art, it could be walking in nature, or surfing..whatever it is, make it as accessible as possible. Getting out of an office and feeling the air on your face, or the sun, may work for you. Know what does work for you and put it into your Emergency Tool Kit.

3. A Positive Affirmation
Many years ago I participated in a workshop where we spent a day coming up with our own unique affirmation. This affirmation had to resonate with us so powerfully that when we said it everyone in the room got it was ours. I had never worked with affirmations before, and I do a limited amount of work with them even now. However, I do know their power from personal experience. At this time in my life I was caught in a very serious mental body image problem. Every minute of every waking hour of every day I was thinking to some degree about my body, my weight, what I would eat, not eat, etc. It was hell. This had been going on for 17 years, since I was 11. I used the affirmation, “I am a powerful joyous and loving woman, accepting myself and others” as a mantra. I would walk the beach for half an hour every day and this affirmation would be all that was in my head for that entire half hour. I did this for months and months. One day I decided that I had had enough of my mind and its thinking about my weight. These thoughts were ruling me. And I let it go. Literally! In its place, every time I was aware I was sinking into stinking thinking, I would say the affirmation over and over. I still use it on occasions.
Now I have found a new one, affirming that I am connected always to the source of all creation and that being connected as I keep my heart open, the Universe flows to me multiple ways, bringing me joy, love, friendships, business, money, opportunities.
When I find myself in a fear based and shut down place, I use this affirmation to remind myself that I have contracted from the world.

4. An Awareness of the State of my Heart
I was reading the highly recommended book, “Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer, and he talked about the heart being either open or closed. When our heart is closed, we become contracted. As a visual person, I imagine it like a walnut shell, all tightly contracted and wrinkly. Impenetrable. We shut out life in all forms.
When our heart is open, we are connected to source. We allow life to flow in ecstasy at our feet. Things become possible, other doors open, people respond to us with light and joy. The practice of checking to see if our heart is open or closed is a powerfully simple one.
Of course we close our heart to protect it, but in truth, how can shutting out life really protect us?
Is your heart open or closed? If it is closed, what will get it back open?

5. A Special Person to Vent with
Life can sometimes build so intensely that we find we have a backlog of emotional pressure that needs to be released.
Venting is a reliable way to release this type of pressure, however, we do need to be very careful in how we vent and to whom.
Having a BMW session (Bitch, Moan and Winge) with a special person is one option. There are a few ground rules in BMW session. The special person needs to know this is a BMW session. They are there to listen only. They do not advise, fix, suggest, or offer any solution. They must be of able mind and body to not take on board your toxic negativity. To simply listen and remain separate from your vent.
You need to be clear that you are venting, and that once you have got all the toxic stuff up and out, and created an internal clear space, the subject is over. You keep a clear boundary around a BMW session.
I have a friend who has vented into his voice mail, and then gone home and deleted it. Or you can vent in the car. Or you can vent by writing it down.
What ever you do, be sure to get it all out. And to do so without causing harm.
I find hard running a good way to vent excess toxic energy. It is one of the many reasons I run.

6. A Coach
There are some major distinctions to understand around the coaching process. A great coach has only one agenda. They want for you to live your life as aligned to your soul/spirit as possible. Therefore, in their coaching process, they loose themselves and it becomes the highest act of service to other. From this place, they ask questions that will challenge you, inspire you and cause you to take action, or make changes. They may also provide feedback that is a reflection of what you are projecting. This can be hard to swallow. A great coach is more concerned about you than they are about what you think of them. This gives them a platform to be of the very highest service to you.
We all need a great coach in our lives, simply because we cannot see ourselves clearly.
I find that I process by speaking out my jumbled thoughts, by being asked insightful questions. Therefore the very act of the dialogical process that occurs during coaching is very healing and discriminating. Often times my coach has asked me the right question and in my answer I get the ahh! (Syzergy) moment.
My coach also provides me with models and tools to consider new ways of being and doing, so there is a teaching component to coaching as well, all in service to my highest learning.

7. Presence what is so
There are some exquisite references for staying present. Including Eckhart Tolle’s work. If we are experiencing an emotion, such as fear, then simply acknowledging the fear has the ability to cause it to dissipate. Fear, anxiety, grief, jealously, etc only continue to manifest when we attempt to deny or block their existence. Practice being present to these emotions as they surface. From the Course in Miracles, “In my Vulnerability I become Invulnerable.” When we have something to hide we are open to attack.

8. A List of Powerful Questions
When we have paused the fear through music, dance, connecting to nature, opening our heart, we can access the quiet all knowing aspect of self. From here we are able to ask questions. The answer will come usually immediately. We need to let go of any judgements about the content of the answer and listen to it with full openness. At the least write the answer down, so you may consider it. As you build more trust, you will hear the answer and act on it.

Some possible questions.
What does my spirit ask me to do?
What am I to do today to serve the highest number of people?
What specific actions do I need to take?
What can I offer that has massive value?
Who do I need to call?
What am I not seeing?
What do I need to do right now?
How am I able to move through this pain/fear/upset/anger etc?

9. Breathing
When we are in fear, stress, upset, our breathing patterns change. Focusing on our breath
will change our reactions/responses.
What works for me is to imagine I am breathing in light and clean and exhaling the dark and dirty. Every in breath is light/clean, every out breath is exhaling the dark, fearful, angry, toxic mess.
Even just consciously slowing down our breathing will help. Count to five (or ten) on each in and out breath.

The sooner you are aware that you have slipped into stinking thinking, or your emotions have run away with you, take out your emergency tool kit.
Depending on the severity of the slip or slide, you may need to take one or all tools out.
If you catch yourself early enough, you can usually re-calibrate yourself, open your heart and move on, very quickly.

During Dark night moments, or months, accessing all the tools in this kit on a daily/multiple times daily basis can be an imperative. Plus you may need to add extra tools-such as therapy, medication, naturopathy, chiropractic, body work, breath work etc.

Knowing I carry my Emergency Tool Kit with me everywhere I go allows me to walk with a spring in my step, and a smile in my heart. It does not mean that everything is perfect-rather that when things seem to fall apart, I have some strategies to pull out.

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